Don't we all sit back about now and think about the new year? We wonder what is in front of us, what's lurking around the corner, just ahead on the horizon - it has to be good...right? We also take time to reflect on the past year, putting behind us those things we don't want to repeat, while embracing those that we can only say "again". Reflection for me started months ago and as such, I won't bore you with all that. It's enough to say that 2010 was not an easy year. Fact is, the best way to describe it is "FUSFS". Likely not what you're thinking - so there!
Today however is day one of a new year and I started it off with what else? Yup, a 5k. We were out in masses, a small army. Albert, David, Heather, Iain, Jen, Sharon, Steve, and myself. Iain and Steve did not run due to injury recovery - sometimes the smart decision (and hardest) is not to run. Speaking of that, our friend Kerrie made the smart choice today as well. Iain and Steve helped lug our crap around. We had so much because some of the crazies decided to jump in the water so additional clothes were necessary. Don't let that task sound small, it isn't. Knowing I had dry clothes and my inhaler waiting for me at the finish was very important to me! I was also lucky enough to see Sherah and her family. Sherah and her daughter Kat ran and did the dip in Lake Washington. I heard her family cheering me on as I made my way into the water. That is until the cold water started to shut down my life signs...more on that later. This isn't my first race with the Busch clan and I love to see them out there. That Kat is a firecracker. She finished 3rd in her age division today.
Our drive to the race was fairly uneventful except for two things. Albert got in trouble a lot :) and Sharon was making some strange noises. You know that sound you make when you have a popcorn kernel stuck in the back of your throat and you are trying to get it out. I don't even know how to try and spell that sound but I heard it - for miles...
It was cold....somewhere around freezing. After our customary line up at the honey buckets we all split up. Runners each have their own warm up routine and rarely does anything come between a runner and that routine. Mine consisted of a short jog to the bushes for what else but another pee. I had zero nerves about running today. I didn't plan on racing, simply running, hitting the water and starting the year off right. David and a new friend that I am embarrassed that I cannot recall his name lined up with me. The gun sounded and we were off. Very crowded in the beginning and multiple ice patches we had to work around. Within minutes I was running alone. People all around me but I was just doing my pace and feeling very comfortable. I never felt tired but managed to hit the time I ran last year and finished 12th in my age group. This same pace last year wiped me out. Wonder if this cross training thing really works after all? Guess so. Thanks Coach!
I hit the parking lot and like last year knew I was about a quarter mile from the water. Coming down the stretch I took my shirt off (possible photo of that one ladies - but I need to see if any airbrushing is required before posting). I hit the water at a fair pace and bam...bam...that lake is cold. 42 degrees....You forget how hot your body gets when you run. Mix that with cold water and your heart stops. I think mine did. Maybe it just felt like it. It took my breath away but soon I was making my way out of the water and around the corner for the final stretch. I usually sprint this but water from previous runners covered the road and it had frozen, making the final sprint more of a careful run. Saw Iain who handed me my bag of clothes and I knew I was done and ready to change. Hold on! Where was Albert? We went to the dock only to see him hit the water, go under, and come up smiling. He had finished the race but decided to go back and do the dip anyway - Crazy man!
Speaking of crazy, both Sharon and Albert ran sub 20's today. Sharon having visited the doctor the day before wasn't in top shape yet ran like a demon. Her mental strength is incredible. Officially she finished first in her age division and was the 3rd overall woman. Albert was 5th in his age division and of course as mentioned, apparently wasn't tired and decided to run into the lake. I appreciate these two more that I could ever tell them.
How about some more crazy? Ok. I take my clothes to the changing tent and there is a line to get in. F that, I'm wet and cold. I grab my backpack and walk to the parking lot. Found a sweet spot between a Toyota and a Honda and decided that was my changing area. It's important to know that naked is not a big deal to me. While I don't walk around that way, sometimes I just figure that everyone has seen someone naked so it's really nothing new. I think this way when it fits the situation. Today it did. Soon I was stripping off the wet stuff while trying unsuccessfully to hold a towel around my waist. It didn't work so I dropped it and quickly tried to slip on some underwear - still being a little wet, that process didn't happen as fast as one would have hoped. How hard is it exactly to slip your foot in? I'm sure I looked like I was doing a rain dance. Oh well. If you come across me on YouTube, please, don't email the link around. Thanks....
The drive to Starbucks was funny. Between the cold, asthma, and illness, our coughing sounded like we'd been smoking Marboros for 30 years. Soon we had our drinks in hand and sat around laughing and being louder than maybe we should have. We really don't think about that - after all, we're athletes! Steve is sending me pictures so I will have some to post. The race is done and I'm in front of my computer wondering what 2011 will bring. What changes are around the corner? Will that pimple on my forehead finally go away? I joke. But that's how I cope. It's how I roll. It doesn't always work but more often that not, it gets me through. I know I will be a better man this year. Some might say that wouldn't be hard to do. Others would say "good for you". Me? I will do the best I can, think before I act, measure twice and cut once. Throughout it all I will run....I will swim....and when the day is done I will lay my head on my pillow and know that I was a better man.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Christmas
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. That sounds a lot like my house this morning. For the first time in many years no one is stirring...making noise...or racing down the stairs to see what Santa left in the stockings. I admit the racing downstairs was usually me - I like the stocking surprise! Growing up it was the one place you'd never find underwear. There was always underwear in one of the presents you would open. It's best to find that one first and get it out of the way. Knowing you had one present left and the underwear hadn't cropped it's tidy whitey head yet did take a little joy out of that last package. Don't get me wrong, underwear is a staple for many of us - not all of us, but many of us....
There's something special about Christmas morning. The world around you becomes peaceful while worries and stress disappear. As a kid I would open each present and make a nice stack out of them. Clothes neatly piled and toys/games arranged according to size. When I was all done opening gifts, I would take each stack to my room and spend time looking at each one, deciding where the clothes would go and what toy to play with first. As an adult I find that I do the same thing. My stuff is always in a neat pile awaiting their turn to go upstairs for a more detailed examination. Most clothes wouldn't be worn right away. Socks for instance would sit until I wore out my existing ones. New simply had to wait their turn to get in the rotation. Sometimes that turn came months later.
This morning I woke up, walked downstairs and it felt different. I knew it would and was ready for it. Still...it wasn't easy. It was empty. I turned on the Christmas lights, fired up a candle, flipped on the fireplace, and found some soft classic holiday tunes on the radio - topped it off with a bowl of Cheerios. Soon I was texting Christmas wishes and feeling better. I decided to run an easy 5 mile loop. It was as much for the exercise as it was to escape the quiet. Minutes later David texted me asking if I was going to run. He ran to my house and at 7:30 we were off. We ran slow, talked the entire time, and before we knew it, we were in front of his house and I giving him a Christmas hug. I so appreciated his company this morning - more than he knew. I ran home feeling better, refreshed.
Time to slide into the hot tub I thought. The water was warm and my little bird friends were singing in the bushes, flying about, and working their way through the food I had out for them. A little hummingbird was zipping around the backyard having the time of her life. I love my backyard. Not too big, neat and tidy, and comfortable. Some day I will move and the backyard will be the one thing I miss. As the jets massaged my back I thought about this year, tallying my wins and losses. My record is much like the Seahawks...wins were small, losses big. I've played the game films over and over in my head and learned many lessons from them. I've already changed my game and haven't been sacked since. My front line isn't made up of huge 300+ pound sweaty belly fat linemen, but rather great friends and family who each in their own way have kept me on my feet. Without them who knows where I'd be. Me, I don't want to think about it. Instead I will move forward, look ahead, but at the same time be sure to enjoy the moment I am in at that time. Special people make special memories - you know who you are and thank you for that. Until we meet up again, enjoy every day, treat people better than they deserve, worry less about yesterday while you plan for tomorrow, Run...don't jog.
There's something special about Christmas morning. The world around you becomes peaceful while worries and stress disappear. As a kid I would open each present and make a nice stack out of them. Clothes neatly piled and toys/games arranged according to size. When I was all done opening gifts, I would take each stack to my room and spend time looking at each one, deciding where the clothes would go and what toy to play with first. As an adult I find that I do the same thing. My stuff is always in a neat pile awaiting their turn to go upstairs for a more detailed examination. Most clothes wouldn't be worn right away. Socks for instance would sit until I wore out my existing ones. New simply had to wait their turn to get in the rotation. Sometimes that turn came months later.
This morning I woke up, walked downstairs and it felt different. I knew it would and was ready for it. Still...it wasn't easy. It was empty. I turned on the Christmas lights, fired up a candle, flipped on the fireplace, and found some soft classic holiday tunes on the radio - topped it off with a bowl of Cheerios. Soon I was texting Christmas wishes and feeling better. I decided to run an easy 5 mile loop. It was as much for the exercise as it was to escape the quiet. Minutes later David texted me asking if I was going to run. He ran to my house and at 7:30 we were off. We ran slow, talked the entire time, and before we knew it, we were in front of his house and I giving him a Christmas hug. I so appreciated his company this morning - more than he knew. I ran home feeling better, refreshed.
Time to slide into the hot tub I thought. The water was warm and my little bird friends were singing in the bushes, flying about, and working their way through the food I had out for them. A little hummingbird was zipping around the backyard having the time of her life. I love my backyard. Not too big, neat and tidy, and comfortable. Some day I will move and the backyard will be the one thing I miss. As the jets massaged my back I thought about this year, tallying my wins and losses. My record is much like the Seahawks...wins were small, losses big. I've played the game films over and over in my head and learned many lessons from them. I've already changed my game and haven't been sacked since. My front line isn't made up of huge 300+ pound sweaty belly fat linemen, but rather great friends and family who each in their own way have kept me on my feet. Without them who knows where I'd be. Me, I don't want to think about it. Instead I will move forward, look ahead, but at the same time be sure to enjoy the moment I am in at that time. Special people make special memories - you know who you are and thank you for that. Until we meet up again, enjoy every day, treat people better than they deserve, worry less about yesterday while you plan for tomorrow, Run...don't jog.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Predictable
Predictable. That's me alright. Or is it? I often hear that I am. I hear that I am other things too but this is a family blog so I won't go there. Family blog? Sure, haven't you noticed that I don't swear any longer. Mr Clean, that's me. Not to say that from time to time I won't slide one in - just saying that I don't need to swear in my blog. How did I make that change you wonder. I had an intervention, spent 30 days in the "clinic", and washed my mouth out with soap every time I slipped. Thank goodness for the Costco soap pack. Those 48 bars not only cured me but occasionally bubbles pop out when I burp.
See, I'm rambling. Predictable, I ramble. Sometimes I don't even know I'm talking. It's clear that I'm probably saying something very important. Why else would I be talking? Am I afraid of silence? A case of quietaphobia? I think not. I say things as they flow into my brain. They're floating around in there and bam, next thing I know I hear myself talking. It's such a short trip from brain to mouth. Is that why men sometimes think with their other er, brain? A little more distance helps right? Nope, that one just spells trouble - seems to be more of a divining rod than a brain. Either way, it's not much of a thinker.
Does being predictable make me boring? Or safe and comfortable? Truth be told, I like a good routine. I'm not a fly by the seat of my pants kind of guy. It's best to lay out a plan and follow it. Control it. That's my happy place. I wake every day at 4:00am except for weekends when it's 5:30am. Bedtime is 10:00pm. Granted that's only 6 hours of sleep but it seems to work. I usually eat the same 4-5 meals for dinner and lunch is either a turkey sandwich on whole wheat with mustard (never the deadly mayo) and a slab of cheese or it's a can of tuna. I eat it right from the can. Easier. Faster. Not a dish wasted. I make my lunch, lay out my clothes, and pack my gym bag the night before. The heat turns on at 3:30am and off at 4:30am. Back on at 5:30pm and off at 9:30pm. I buy gas at the same station, have done 90% of my grocery shopping at the same Albertsons for 14 years. Same Dry Cleaner for 12. My latte is 16oz non fat no foam 180 degrees.
I could go on but sh**, I'M starting to find myself boring. Having said all that I believe I am becoming more flexible. Fine - are you done with your little laughing fit yet? I do step out of my comfort zone. Case in point - swimming. Frickin dislike water more than you know but I am in the pool every week. Sundays at noon, Thursday at 8:00, with a Monday and/or Saturday thrown in for good measure. The secret? Water Angels. Enough said. I'm teaching Taylor how to drive and didn't even flip out when he drove up and curbed a tire. No, he wasn't driving my car but that's not the point....
My friends are helping me stretch myself and I appreciate it even though I might not tell them often enough. They help me more than they know, each in their own way. I bought shoes that I would never have bought on my own. Jeans that cost more than $35 and go down well past my ankles. I don't always tuck in my shirt anymore. If a sock has a hole in it I throw it away instead of turning it over and getting another six months out of it. I have however stepped out a little too far and like the guy pushing his luck at the Blackjack table, finally lost...big. You can never win your money back. The harder you try the more you lose. The best thing to do is to stop, count your losses, and step away from the table. I'm looking for balance and I think I'm closing in on it. There are things I need as much as the air I breathe and I will always embrace them, never take them for granted, and appreciate them daily. I think I'll like that guy. He is safe. Comfortable. Dependable. A person you can count on. Predictable.
See, I'm rambling. Predictable, I ramble. Sometimes I don't even know I'm talking. It's clear that I'm probably saying something very important. Why else would I be talking? Am I afraid of silence? A case of quietaphobia? I think not. I say things as they flow into my brain. They're floating around in there and bam, next thing I know I hear myself talking. It's such a short trip from brain to mouth. Is that why men sometimes think with their other er, brain? A little more distance helps right? Nope, that one just spells trouble - seems to be more of a divining rod than a brain. Either way, it's not much of a thinker.
Does being predictable make me boring? Or safe and comfortable? Truth be told, I like a good routine. I'm not a fly by the seat of my pants kind of guy. It's best to lay out a plan and follow it. Control it. That's my happy place. I wake every day at 4:00am except for weekends when it's 5:30am. Bedtime is 10:00pm. Granted that's only 6 hours of sleep but it seems to work. I usually eat the same 4-5 meals for dinner and lunch is either a turkey sandwich on whole wheat with mustard (never the deadly mayo) and a slab of cheese or it's a can of tuna. I eat it right from the can. Easier. Faster. Not a dish wasted. I make my lunch, lay out my clothes, and pack my gym bag the night before. The heat turns on at 3:30am and off at 4:30am. Back on at 5:30pm and off at 9:30pm. I buy gas at the same station, have done 90% of my grocery shopping at the same Albertsons for 14 years. Same Dry Cleaner for 12. My latte is 16oz non fat no foam 180 degrees.
I could go on but sh**, I'M starting to find myself boring. Having said all that I believe I am becoming more flexible. Fine - are you done with your little laughing fit yet? I do step out of my comfort zone. Case in point - swimming. Frickin dislike water more than you know but I am in the pool every week. Sundays at noon, Thursday at 8:00, with a Monday and/or Saturday thrown in for good measure. The secret? Water Angels. Enough said. I'm teaching Taylor how to drive and didn't even flip out when he drove up and curbed a tire. No, he wasn't driving my car but that's not the point....
My friends are helping me stretch myself and I appreciate it even though I might not tell them often enough. They help me more than they know, each in their own way. I bought shoes that I would never have bought on my own. Jeans that cost more than $35 and go down well past my ankles. I don't always tuck in my shirt anymore. If a sock has a hole in it I throw it away instead of turning it over and getting another six months out of it. I have however stepped out a little too far and like the guy pushing his luck at the Blackjack table, finally lost...big. You can never win your money back. The harder you try the more you lose. The best thing to do is to stop, count your losses, and step away from the table. I'm looking for balance and I think I'm closing in on it. There are things I need as much as the air I breathe and I will always embrace them, never take them for granted, and appreciate them daily. I think I'll like that guy. He is safe. Comfortable. Dependable. A person you can count on. Predictable.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Calling
My heart calls out,
ringing out like a gun shot in the night,
reaching around like branches to a tree.
Searching for meaning.
Searching for a place to call home.
A graceful hearth.
A place where it is free, free to express it's emotion.
A sanctuary of love.
My heart rests in the dark, awaiting the light.
The light that carries a smile.
A graceful smile with soft lips.
Lips that kiss away the dark, the lips of an angel.
For now my heart waits, waits for the lips to come it's way.
A hand to hold it, to guide it though the dark.
For now my heart fights by itself,
fighting off dark essences.
Creating a pathway, a pathway of tranquility,
opening the way for the angels lips,
the way for my heart to be discovered.
My heart is strong,
for if the light does not show, my heart will still survive.
Survive to live another day of hope.
Hope for the day its savior will come.
The day that the dark will be defeated,
conquered by the light, the light from Heaven.
My son wrote this and I like it. He's 17 and has gone through much of what the average teenager experiences. Love has found him and love has snuck away in the dark, leaving him questioning everything. He is strong yet quiet, smart with his dad's sense of humor, alone yet surrounded. Last year he scaled a wall that no one of his years should have had to climb. Yet he did it with courage, maturity and grace. I am proud of who he is and the man he's becoming.
ringing out like a gun shot in the night,
reaching around like branches to a tree.
Searching for meaning.
Searching for a place to call home.
A graceful hearth.
A place where it is free, free to express it's emotion.
A sanctuary of love.
My heart rests in the dark, awaiting the light.
The light that carries a smile.
A graceful smile with soft lips.
Lips that kiss away the dark, the lips of an angel.
For now my heart waits, waits for the lips to come it's way.
A hand to hold it, to guide it though the dark.
For now my heart fights by itself,
fighting off dark essences.
Creating a pathway, a pathway of tranquility,
opening the way for the angels lips,
the way for my heart to be discovered.
My heart is strong,
for if the light does not show, my heart will still survive.
Survive to live another day of hope.
Hope for the day its savior will come.
The day that the dark will be defeated,
conquered by the light, the light from Heaven.
My son wrote this and I like it. He's 17 and has gone through much of what the average teenager experiences. Love has found him and love has snuck away in the dark, leaving him questioning everything. He is strong yet quiet, smart with his dad's sense of humor, alone yet surrounded. Last year he scaled a wall that no one of his years should have had to climb. Yet he did it with courage, maturity and grace. I am proud of who he is and the man he's becoming.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Blanket of Peace
I ran in the snow today. I know, don't say it - I did take my inhaler before running and had it with me just in case. I set out for a nice slow 5 mile run that became a wonderful 9.5 miles. Since rolling my ankle I took some time off and this week I decided to get back to business. First let me say that I don't know how Sharon does it. How do you train yourself and then teach multiple classes the same day? Sounds hard doesn't it? It is. Tuesday night I ran nearly 5 miles on the treadmill, slipped into Sharon's 60 minute cycle class, and wrapped up the day with a 30 minute core workout. I then hit the hot tub. She does this and more nearly every day. OMG...I was spent. I mean the only thing that would have got me moving would have been a fire in the women's locker room. Someone needs to ensure their safety...why not me? Stop, drop, and roll, yup, that's it. Ok, one more time. Sorry mom....
Wednesday. I tried deep water running. Albert, Jen, Robin, and I with Sharon on the deck instructing. Wow. I hope it looked as hard as it was! Running in water without your feet touching the ground is not easy. Jesus walked on water and I can't even run in it. Not making a comparison, just stating fact. Somehow the girls were well out in front drill after drill. Albert and I sadly were way behind struggling to get the hang of it. The upside is that we were a bit entertaining (a short stop at my happy place). Truth be told, I got an excellent workout and look forward to more laughter...er, I mean instruction and support. Both nights I slept well - a practice that had been elusive.
Back to the run. What else was I to do but keep it up?!?! The Y had an event which I have done in the past but after waking early, I fell back to sleep only to wake at 7:30. No time to fuel equals no workout - I've driven that car before and it wasn't pretty. I decided to run a slow pace in the snow, an out and back to keep the mileage down. Soon I was dressed, out the door, and running down the street. I ran through Mill Creek and it was simply beautiful. Early enough that traffic was far and few between. People - didn't see them. The sidewalk was covered with a couple inches of unblemished snow just waiting for me to glide through, disturbing it as little as possible. I felt good. The air was so fresh and the snow hanging so gently on the leaves and branches was amazing.
Before I knew it I was running down Bothell-Everett Hwy. I had missed my turn and decided to keep going. The sidewalk path takes you mostly off the road and through some trees and bushes. I was listening to WoodRush, a local band with a nice folk sound. Their music blended perfectly with the environment. I felt at peace, running but not running. Moving but with so little effort. My head began to clear. It was nothing but snow, music, and me. Nice. In front of me I now saw foot prints. Another runner. I could tell from the steps. Someone else I thought was out here with me. He or she however was nowhere in sight...and I was glad.
I turned up past Lowes and I must admit the run got ugly. The dirt from the road had splashed up on the sidewalk and the once beautiful unblemished snow now suddenly lost it's magic. It was now a slippery mess that I had to navigate through. I picked up the pace to get the heck out of there. I made it past Albertsons and as I was working up the rise, a wonderful man in a pickup decided it would be fun to slide over into the muck and splash it all over me. Stupid Mother F..oops. It's Thanksgiving. I'm sure he was simply texting and lost his way....maybe he swerved to avoid a cute little kitten - a life saved....or the pumpkin pie was slipping off the passenger seat and he needed to save it - grandma doesn't like spilt pie. However, none of this explains the jerk behind him that did the same thing.
I made it to Safeway and was about a mile from home. The sidewalks became pretty again, the trees laced with snow, and walkers lifting a hand to wave as I ran by. Strangers saying hi. I tried a "Hi" back but it was apparent that my face was a tad frozen as was whatever had built an ice jam in and around my nose. Winter runs...gotta love em. Turns out I ran 9.5 and I'm glad I did. I feel refreshed. I won't close this blog with anything sappy except to say that there is much to be thankful for in this life and when you think it sucks for you, remember that there is always someone that has it worse. A smart person told me that and it stuck. I hope to see you on the road, be it running or honking as you drive by. Make today the best it can be, never cheat your fitness, Run...don't jog.
Wednesday. I tried deep water running. Albert, Jen, Robin, and I with Sharon on the deck instructing. Wow. I hope it looked as hard as it was! Running in water without your feet touching the ground is not easy. Jesus walked on water and I can't even run in it. Not making a comparison, just stating fact. Somehow the girls were well out in front drill after drill. Albert and I sadly were way behind struggling to get the hang of it. The upside is that we were a bit entertaining (a short stop at my happy place). Truth be told, I got an excellent workout and look forward to more laughter...er, I mean instruction and support. Both nights I slept well - a practice that had been elusive.
Back to the run. What else was I to do but keep it up?!?! The Y had an event which I have done in the past but after waking early, I fell back to sleep only to wake at 7:30. No time to fuel equals no workout - I've driven that car before and it wasn't pretty. I decided to run a slow pace in the snow, an out and back to keep the mileage down. Soon I was dressed, out the door, and running down the street. I ran through Mill Creek and it was simply beautiful. Early enough that traffic was far and few between. People - didn't see them. The sidewalk was covered with a couple inches of unblemished snow just waiting for me to glide through, disturbing it as little as possible. I felt good. The air was so fresh and the snow hanging so gently on the leaves and branches was amazing.
Before I knew it I was running down Bothell-Everett Hwy. I had missed my turn and decided to keep going. The sidewalk path takes you mostly off the road and through some trees and bushes. I was listening to WoodRush, a local band with a nice folk sound. Their music blended perfectly with the environment. I felt at peace, running but not running. Moving but with so little effort. My head began to clear. It was nothing but snow, music, and me. Nice. In front of me I now saw foot prints. Another runner. I could tell from the steps. Someone else I thought was out here with me. He or she however was nowhere in sight...and I was glad.
I turned up past Lowes and I must admit the run got ugly. The dirt from the road had splashed up on the sidewalk and the once beautiful unblemished snow now suddenly lost it's magic. It was now a slippery mess that I had to navigate through. I picked up the pace to get the heck out of there. I made it past Albertsons and as I was working up the rise, a wonderful man in a pickup decided it would be fun to slide over into the muck and splash it all over me. Stupid Mother F..oops. It's Thanksgiving. I'm sure he was simply texting and lost his way....maybe he swerved to avoid a cute little kitten - a life saved....or the pumpkin pie was slipping off the passenger seat and he needed to save it - grandma doesn't like spilt pie. However, none of this explains the jerk behind him that did the same thing.
I made it to Safeway and was about a mile from home. The sidewalks became pretty again, the trees laced with snow, and walkers lifting a hand to wave as I ran by. Strangers saying hi. I tried a "Hi" back but it was apparent that my face was a tad frozen as was whatever had built an ice jam in and around my nose. Winter runs...gotta love em. Turns out I ran 9.5 and I'm glad I did. I feel refreshed. I won't close this blog with anything sappy except to say that there is much to be thankful for in this life and when you think it sucks for you, remember that there is always someone that has it worse. A smart person told me that and it stuck. I hope to see you on the road, be it running or honking as you drive by. Make today the best it can be, never cheat your fitness, Run...don't jog.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Lost
Runners run. That's what they do. We all run for different reasons and each reason is exactly the right one for that person at that time. It's therapy....it's training for a personal best...we run to things and we run away from things....sometimes we run to forget things. Running doesn't define us but it shapes us. It can keep you grounded, centered, focused. What happens when a runner doesn't run anymore? There's a feeling of being out of sync, life's rhythm is out of balance, you feel lost.
Though I've been running this year I am clearly out of rhythm. I've ran 10 races this year. I started with a 5k in January that had me jumping into Lake Washington, ran a 5 miler, a 187 mile relay, a triathlon relay, a 5k obstacle course, and many 'regular' 5k's mixed in. I started this year saying that I wanted it to be different and my races have reflected that. What I didn't know is that my whole life would change this year. Holy F***! I got more than I bargained for. I am upside down and inside out. I look in the mirror and see someone I don't recognize. I know that person is a good person inside but constant actions prove otherwise. I'm lost.
I continue to lose without gaining. If this were a weight loss program it'd be great, but its not, it's my life. It's been like trying to hold sand in your hands only to see it pour through your fingers. You squeeze your hands tighter to stop it only to see it flow out faster. What you have left in your hands are scattered grains of who you are, who you were. You quickly start to pick up the sand to put your life back together and the tide comes in and washes part of it away, never to come back. You see that what was washed away were those things you never wanted to lose. The tide won't wash away the pain you caused others, promises broken, trust shattered. Life makes you keep those things. Maybe as a reminder. Maybe as punishment, a weight you must carry for what you did. I have made poor choices and saw myself doing it. It was like watching someone else, wondering who that person is but unable to slow the string of stupidity.
I didn't sleep last night, not a single minute. I spent the night looking out my window into the backyard and out into the darkness. Trying to understand my self-destruction. How many chances should a guy get in life? The answer is one. That's all any of us should ever need to always do the right thing. I got two and yet found a way to destroy that. If you see a mushroom cloud in the distance, I was probably there. Number three will never come. I realized a lot throughout the night. Much I won't share even in this blog. One thing I did realize is that I am me when I do for others without thinking about what's in it for me and letting life embrace me, come to me. I got away from that only to find myself grasping at the sand slipping through my fingers.
Today will be day one. A day of good decisions and listening to the voice that I recognize, ignoring the one that has been lurking in the dark, whispering in my ear. Life is not about me but about those around me. I have a heavy heart for those I have wronged and treated badly. I don't expect their forgiveness nor do I believe I deserve it. All one can do is step forward because you can't change yesterday. I'll run again. My rhythm will come back. Michael will come back. Light snow is falling and it makes me smile. Time to go brush my teeth - I hope the mirror remembers me.
Though I've been running this year I am clearly out of rhythm. I've ran 10 races this year. I started with a 5k in January that had me jumping into Lake Washington, ran a 5 miler, a 187 mile relay, a triathlon relay, a 5k obstacle course, and many 'regular' 5k's mixed in. I started this year saying that I wanted it to be different and my races have reflected that. What I didn't know is that my whole life would change this year. Holy F***! I got more than I bargained for. I am upside down and inside out. I look in the mirror and see someone I don't recognize. I know that person is a good person inside but constant actions prove otherwise. I'm lost.
I continue to lose without gaining. If this were a weight loss program it'd be great, but its not, it's my life. It's been like trying to hold sand in your hands only to see it pour through your fingers. You squeeze your hands tighter to stop it only to see it flow out faster. What you have left in your hands are scattered grains of who you are, who you were. You quickly start to pick up the sand to put your life back together and the tide comes in and washes part of it away, never to come back. You see that what was washed away were those things you never wanted to lose. The tide won't wash away the pain you caused others, promises broken, trust shattered. Life makes you keep those things. Maybe as a reminder. Maybe as punishment, a weight you must carry for what you did. I have made poor choices and saw myself doing it. It was like watching someone else, wondering who that person is but unable to slow the string of stupidity.
I didn't sleep last night, not a single minute. I spent the night looking out my window into the backyard and out into the darkness. Trying to understand my self-destruction. How many chances should a guy get in life? The answer is one. That's all any of us should ever need to always do the right thing. I got two and yet found a way to destroy that. If you see a mushroom cloud in the distance, I was probably there. Number three will never come. I realized a lot throughout the night. Much I won't share even in this blog. One thing I did realize is that I am me when I do for others without thinking about what's in it for me and letting life embrace me, come to me. I got away from that only to find myself grasping at the sand slipping through my fingers.
Today will be day one. A day of good decisions and listening to the voice that I recognize, ignoring the one that has been lurking in the dark, whispering in my ear. Life is not about me but about those around me. I have a heavy heart for those I have wronged and treated badly. I don't expect their forgiveness nor do I believe I deserve it. All one can do is step forward because you can't change yesterday. I'll run again. My rhythm will come back. Michael will come back. Light snow is falling and it makes me smile. Time to go brush my teeth - I hope the mirror remembers me.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Pineapple Classic
I ran with a pineapple today. It may sound like I've burned through all my friends and I'm so hard up that I'm down to running with fruit. Some say I've not been myself lately so it could be possible that I'm down to fruit and vegetables. Whens the last time fruit told you that you looked sick....that you don't seem happy....that you need to put on some weight....that it wondered where the "real" you went...? Take it easy folks, I don't hear fruit talking to me, that'd be crazy. At least that's what the carrots told me. I have heard these statements from friends and I appreciate each and every comment and the care and love behind their meaning. They see me off my game and care enough to point it out. That's a friend. Anybody can tell you what you want to hear. If you simply want nothing but good news all the time start hanging out in the produce aisle...baby carrots are nothing if not generous.
The 5k today was quite an event. It was not just a 5k, it was an obstacle course. Most of the Tri team joined forces to tackle this course and it was so great to see everyone. I missed those who couldn't attend. You should have seen the get-ups we wore. There were grass skirts, hair in rollers, bathrobes, special shirts, funky sunglasses, faces painted, and when Steve sends some pictures I'll post them on my blog. I wore a bib of fake abs. A nice clean unblemished six pack of semi real looking flesh that turned heads. More than a couple women took a snapshot - ok, I goated them into it but who knows how many Facebook posts Mr Abs will show up on....I'll do my best to forget about the two guys who took pictures. I don't think they were thinking Facebook....
Our tribe took off at 11:00 and I guess in my mind we were all going to run together. Not so much. Pineapple fever took over and BAM! we were everywhere. Oh well, I still had my team and there wasn't an obstacle we couldn't overcome. Sharon started with the pineapple and if you ask me, was a bit too comfortable with it. She had it tucked under her arm like a fullback going in for a touchdown. I don't know why it was so funny to watch. A girl and her pineapple...Shane...Shane...come back Shane. No one will get that but me. Deborah and Kerrie were great. They ran side by side from start to finish - loved that!
We hit the first wall and by then mud had become the rule. Helping each other up and over the wall was a test of patience and mud tolerance. We all made it and soon I was carrying the pineapple. It was a compact little sucker. Next was a crawl on your belly under a net challenge. More mud. It was more of the same until we came to a section of the course where you had to jump over a ditch of mud (what else) or go around. We all jumped. Kerrie leaped, made it, then slide back in. Her foot got stuck. She pulled it out and her shoe was still there stuck in the mud. By now her sock was caked with mud. It was so funny and she was such a good sport.
Up ahead we saw the first pit stop. An aid station. Upon inspection we found it to be a beer vendor - free samples. Not wanting to be rude I had a small taste. Small taste. Now what happened next has nothing to do with the er, aid station. We hit a very muddy spot and as I was turning I lost my balance and when down. Smack down in the mud. Sure laugh. Done? How about now? Ok, it was funny. Except that my knee seemed to find the only rock out there. Tore my running 'tights' and cut my knee in two places. At the end of the race I did go to the medic tent so they could clean it out. They had to pick some dirt and crap out of it. Painful but I do have a low pain threshold. Had the 'nurses' been a bit on the hot side, I might have felt the need to lay down and rest a little. As that was not the case, I made my way out as quickly as possible - I didn't like the way they were eyeing my abs...
The end of the race had a 30 foot slip and slide. Oh sweet mother of pearl! As they dumped fresh water on it I dived belly first and coasted from one end to the other. How cool was that?! I loved it! Popped up and it was just a few yards to the finish. The rest of the gang was already there so we made our way to the free food and beer. The beer was good and the food ok. It didn't matter, we were done and had survived. As we snacked many a runner walked by in their costume. Four girls walked by, each with flashing red lights on their nipples (can you say nipples in a blog?). I admit I had to look at couple ten times. It's not something you see every day you know. My appreciation to everyone for holding a towel around me so I could strip naked and put on some fresh clothes. I know you all looked away...and tell me, why the snickers? Oooh! Never mind...
I had fun today. It wasn't what I expected and started a little rocky. Most of that on me. I could blame it on getting over a chest cold or my nearly healed rolled ankle but that wouldn't be the whole truth. Truth is I still struggle with decisions made and the impact it's had on others. I don't mean to be a bad person. In fact I think I'm quite the opposite. For some reason it doesn't show or it just comes out wrong. I could say what the fuck and just be myself but I made a commitment to swear less in my blog which I have been quite successful up to this sentence. So I will simply say that I will be myself. I will get there. Don't give up on me. Keep helping. Mikey will be back. Until then keep texting me, don't take life too serious, never cheat your fitness, Run...don't jog.
PS. I'm still wearing the abs....
The 5k today was quite an event. It was not just a 5k, it was an obstacle course. Most of the Tri team joined forces to tackle this course and it was so great to see everyone. I missed those who couldn't attend. You should have seen the get-ups we wore. There were grass skirts, hair in rollers, bathrobes, special shirts, funky sunglasses, faces painted, and when Steve sends some pictures I'll post them on my blog. I wore a bib of fake abs. A nice clean unblemished six pack of semi real looking flesh that turned heads. More than a couple women took a snapshot - ok, I goated them into it but who knows how many Facebook posts Mr Abs will show up on....I'll do my best to forget about the two guys who took pictures. I don't think they were thinking Facebook....
Our tribe took off at 11:00 and I guess in my mind we were all going to run together. Not so much. Pineapple fever took over and BAM! we were everywhere. Oh well, I still had my team and there wasn't an obstacle we couldn't overcome. Sharon started with the pineapple and if you ask me, was a bit too comfortable with it. She had it tucked under her arm like a fullback going in for a touchdown. I don't know why it was so funny to watch. A girl and her pineapple...Shane...Shane...come back Shane. No one will get that but me. Deborah and Kerrie were great. They ran side by side from start to finish - loved that!
We hit the first wall and by then mud had become the rule. Helping each other up and over the wall was a test of patience and mud tolerance. We all made it and soon I was carrying the pineapple. It was a compact little sucker. Next was a crawl on your belly under a net challenge. More mud. It was more of the same until we came to a section of the course where you had to jump over a ditch of mud (what else) or go around. We all jumped. Kerrie leaped, made it, then slide back in. Her foot got stuck. She pulled it out and her shoe was still there stuck in the mud. By now her sock was caked with mud. It was so funny and she was such a good sport.
Up ahead we saw the first pit stop. An aid station. Upon inspection we found it to be a beer vendor - free samples. Not wanting to be rude I had a small taste. Small taste. Now what happened next has nothing to do with the er, aid station. We hit a very muddy spot and as I was turning I lost my balance and when down. Smack down in the mud. Sure laugh. Done? How about now? Ok, it was funny. Except that my knee seemed to find the only rock out there. Tore my running 'tights' and cut my knee in two places. At the end of the race I did go to the medic tent so they could clean it out. They had to pick some dirt and crap out of it. Painful but I do have a low pain threshold. Had the 'nurses' been a bit on the hot side, I might have felt the need to lay down and rest a little. As that was not the case, I made my way out as quickly as possible - I didn't like the way they were eyeing my abs...
The end of the race had a 30 foot slip and slide. Oh sweet mother of pearl! As they dumped fresh water on it I dived belly first and coasted from one end to the other. How cool was that?! I loved it! Popped up and it was just a few yards to the finish. The rest of the gang was already there so we made our way to the free food and beer. The beer was good and the food ok. It didn't matter, we were done and had survived. As we snacked many a runner walked by in their costume. Four girls walked by, each with flashing red lights on their nipples (can you say nipples in a blog?). I admit I had to look at couple ten times. It's not something you see every day you know. My appreciation to everyone for holding a towel around me so I could strip naked and put on some fresh clothes. I know you all looked away...and tell me, why the snickers? Oooh! Never mind...
I had fun today. It wasn't what I expected and started a little rocky. Most of that on me. I could blame it on getting over a chest cold or my nearly healed rolled ankle but that wouldn't be the whole truth. Truth is I still struggle with decisions made and the impact it's had on others. I don't mean to be a bad person. In fact I think I'm quite the opposite. For some reason it doesn't show or it just comes out wrong. I could say what the fuck and just be myself but I made a commitment to swear less in my blog which I have been quite successful up to this sentence. So I will simply say that I will be myself. I will get there. Don't give up on me. Keep helping. Mikey will be back. Until then keep texting me, don't take life too serious, never cheat your fitness, Run...don't jog.
PS. I'm still wearing the abs....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
