Olive Branch

I admit it. The past two months have been shit. Decisions made created a new world for me. A roller coaster of emotion - feelings hit me from every angle and I didn't know how to react. Felt like I was in a boxing ring with my arms tied behind my back. I always try and live in my "happy place" where life is good and evil doesn't exist. So when things go bad I struggle to figure out how to dig out. Let's be clear before anyone feels sorry for me - the decisions made were mine. If you want to place blame - I'm your man. Some decisions were the right ones, others simply fucked the world up. Most created ripples, splashing onto the innocent. It would be easy to say I don't care, but I do. I burned trust and still can't find my way back. If you know me you know I'm already directionally challenged so this journey is like racing with a blindfold on - you want to go fast, fix it fast, but all you do is run off course.

What helps me is running. If you follow me on Facebook you'll see that I have been running a lot. It gives one time to think, to inflect some personal pain, to test yourself. Racing intensifies this. So I heard about a 5k and decided to race. I got lucky and Sharon decided to run too. Upside: she's a blast. Downside: I would place one spot further back in the standings. Her slow day is quicker than my fast day. Anyway, we arrived at the race and each dropped $40 for same day registration - $40....that's almost $13 a mile. It wasn't easy but I managed to hand over a couple twenties. "Sir...sir...you need to let go of the money now..."

Before we knew it we were at the start line. It wasn't a huge race but it seemed well organized - we were starting on time! Sharon was up near the start line, I was back a little. Just before the race started a couple women pulled forward up with Sharon, maybe a tad in front. I chuckled to myself knowing what they didn't know. Sharon's fast. More important though was that I knew she wouldn't appreciate their move. She didn't. The gun when off and in short order our speedster was out in front and the women were fading fast. I passed them with a smile. It was all I could manage because I was determined to keep Sharon in sight - that red/orange sports bra would be easy to spot. Right there next to me was this 12 year old kid that hung in front for about a quarter mile. He was flying but soon spent his gas and slowed.

I was fast out of the gate as well. My first mile was 6:54 and I felt pretty good. It was a wonky course. Lots of turns and it wasn't always clear where you should go. Sharon was well ahead of me and I saw her coming back from the turn. Sweet, half way done! Not so fast.....I kept running...and running....I knew something was wrong. Before I knew it Sharon was flying by me. F'd City. A volunteer sent her the wrong way and she had to rerun a section of the course. I saw her gaining ground on the guys that had been behind her. She was able to pass them as the race went on. Turns out that she was misdirected not once, not twice, but three times. I was nearly sent the wrong direction but the volunteer switched his arms at the last moment and sent me the right direction.

Even with the extra mileage Sharon ran, she had an amazing race. Her time was 20:43 -nice! If you factor in the extra mileage it's safe to subtract a minute, maybe a minute twenty. It's clear she was a 19 something 5k. Her best ever. Smokin boys, smokin. She still managed to win her division, was the overall women's first place finisher, and finished 3rd overall. She walked away with a nice trophy. Me? I got a ribbon...which they will mail to me....Ran a 22:30 which was 14 seconds off my best ever. Won my age division, 5th overall men, and finished 6th overall. All this cross training has been helping me. I'm back down to my racing weight and I know that helps too. I thought I saw an ab in the mirror yesterday....I was afraid to look again.....maybe next week.

As we were walking to the car, a guy drives by, slows down and tells Sharon how impressed he was with her attitude about being misdirected during the race. Class guy. He didn't have to do that but he did - he took the time to make a day better. It put a smile on our racer. I thought about what he said and he was right. She could have flipped but didn't. Good for him, good for her. People can surprise you. Not everyone likes surprises and I can understand that. Me? I would like to be surprised. Maybe I have been lately. An unexpected olive branch can change your day, your outlook. It doesn't have to come with promises or forgiveness. It doesn't have the power to build trust. But if given from the heart, it opens a door. From there, who knows. I know I've not been a good friend lately. I've been all about my world, fixing the fuck. I'm trying to change that and will change that. I'll keep running....racing....swimming. I'll be back, maybe a little different than I was before but at the center, I will be the guy you can count on. Keep the olive branches coming, give everyday the best you have, smile at a stranger, run naked. MYLACM.