Quicksand

We've all seen it in the movies. Someone falls into quicksand and slowly they get sucked down until one of two things happen - a nearby branch is just close enough that they are able to grab hold and slowly pull themselves from the sure death of suffocation (I'm not sure if one can drown in quicksand). The other is that someone hears their cry for help, comes running and pulls them to safety. If neither of these two scenarios play out, the result is an agonizingly slow demise as your body sinks deeper and deeper and no matter what you do, the end is inevitable. In fact the more you try to do and the more you panic, the quicker you sink. Death then, becomes your salvation. The fight is over. 

I fell in quicksand a couple weeks ago. I experienced a minor groin pull. So what - sure easier for you to say because it's not you. Go ahead and say it. Why do you run if you're just going to get hurt? Screw you - I hate it when people say that to me. "They" are normally an out of shape P.A.F. that now feel justified sitting on the couch watching some crap on TV with their hand so deep in the bag of chips that you can no longer see their elbow. Anyway, seems that the issue stemmed  from a couple very tight muscles that for whatever reason refuse to release. Bastards. So my running suffered. Sinking now. I reach for my branch which in this case is stretching and abusing my hard foam roller. The roller brings muffled whimpers and tears to my eyes but I know I have to do it. I believe it's helping. I do a couple slow 30 minute jogs. It doesn't feel right. It hurts. I sink further. Deep water conditioning is a great way to stay conditioned if a runner is injured. I can't do deep water. Still sinking. I eat. Why not?  I eat crap. Weight gain greets me like an old friend. Not a good friend, an old friend I've meant to forget.  With the added pounds my attitude slowly begins to shift. F me. I hate this. I feel like crap. Can I sink any further?

I tried a trail run today, super slow pace for me. We had two groups - the long distance runners and the short bus people. In my head I was one of the long distance runners until halfway through the run Sharon told me I was heading back. It hurt at first. Not physically, but emotionally - and that can hurt more. What do you mean I'm going back, I'm a long distance runner? Not today my friend, not today. I finished the run and my entire quad was searing and I simply could not walk without limping. I can taste the quicksand now.

My friends are running. I love to see them run but honestly it pains me to see their joy. Happy little runners zipping to and fro. Like little hummingbirds. What about me? Hello....I'm over here in the quicksand. Can you see me?  I have quicksand up my ass and my head is going under. Isn't anyone going to save me?  F me. I'm a goner.

I'm feeling sorry for myself even though I know I'm not alone. Albert was right there talking me off the ledge - he does that quite often and thank God he never tires of it. My multisport friends have been fantastic as well. They care. What's this? Have I stopped sinking?  Dr Sharon invited me to her house for a "session".  I used the black death roller and having survived that, Sharon came over to me with an interesting device that was then thrust with care into various parts of my quad and butt. I will admit that tears were running down my cheeks and I probably called out for Jesus to take me more than once. She then used the tool like a rolling pin up and down my leg with the pace of a sprinter. FH!  I know it bothered her to cause me that much pain but I also know it was necessary and she did it because she cares.

My head has cleared the quicksand. Maybe I'll make it after all. My friends are here and the reality is that they always have been. Maybe I just needed to reach out and take their hand or simply ask for help. I'm not good at either. My leg still hurts and my activities are limited. My goal is not to let it change my attitude but to simply follow the path that will lead me to a full recovery. One that is not rushed nor too slow. In the meantime I ask for forgiveness if I'm a jerk - I don't mean to be. Thank you for your help and compassion - LYLACMF.