Jog....don't walk

Jog…don’t walk. I know, silly title. Maybe not when you consider that my blog Domain is Run…don’t jog. After all, I fancy myself a runner. On a good day with the wind at my back I can nearly always beat those who are behind me. Today however I am looking forward to jogging – another phase in my return to the flashy world of running.

You see a couple weeks ago my lovely back decided to go out on me. It happens from time to time and usually the result of doing something at an angle that was once fine but now is not the least bit appropriate. Hindsight is always there but never comes early enough for me. I wish it was something heroic like chasing down a purse snatcher or foiling a robbery that caused it to rebel. This time it was just a bit of thatching.

Sunday thatching turned into a situation where I stood up at my desk Monday morning around 9:30 and my back said hello. It was more of an “It’s time to kick your ass” than a hello….Anyway I was unable to walk and I sat there wondering if my office floor would be my home for the next couple of days. Wendy came by and brought me ice – sweet wonderful ice. I packed it down the back of my pants and sat until frostbite neared. I slowly stood and shuffled my way to the car. Slid in and drove home.

I got home, stepped into the laundry room and went down, straight to the floor. You see when my back goes out I get spasms in the lower left side. They feel like a knife is jammed in and twisted. The upside is that each spasm only lasts for about 5 seconds. The downside is that I simply cannot stand up, it’s like my leg muscles have been removed, they just don’t work. Having had this happen before I know that I need to elevate my legs to take pressure off my lower back. So I crawled to the family room and slowly flipped on my back and put my legs on the sofa – sorta of like I was sitting on a chair except I’m laying down.

For the next three hours I averaged a spasm a minute like my back was having contractions but there would be no baby to end this, just time. As luck would have it all the coffee I drank in the morning was now ready for removal. Much like a soldier crawling on his belly under the barbwire, I made my way to the bathroom. I had to spit on my palms so I could better grip the hardwood floor and push forward. As gross as it was, I had to use the bowl as a handgrip then the tank, finally resting my head against the wall while holding me up as my body couldn’t hold its own weight. I will leave the details out as to how I actually then peed but the ordeal lasted more than 20 minutes and it would be repeated again and again before help arrived.

Help arrived. I was so happy yet embarrassed by my situation. I was however without food, water, and my cell phone battery was slipping away. Sharon fixed all that. Soon there was bottled water, Cliff bars (which she even opened for me), cookies, and my cell phone charger all within reach. I might have borrowed a couple muscle relaxers however since I may run for President someday I will not make a definitive statement. Sharon did visit my upstairs medicine cabinet where I had some pain pills – granted they weren’t mind and were expired. So much for running for President. Before she left Sharon brought me another necessity - two water bottles for which I would pee in and never again have to endure the journey to the bathroom.

For the next 48 hours my world was that spot on the floor. Pills aided my sleep and helped to deaden the spasms which became less frequent. Help continued to come, to check on me, to restock. I was groggy for much of it but I recall Sharon and Savannah walking in and hearing Savannah saying “Let’s clean this place out, he can’t do anything about it anyway”. Too funny. My “water bottles” were emptied and I was so grateful for the help. By Thursday I was able to stand and that evening walk a bit.

Walking is what I am doing now. Running has been out of the question due to the stiffness of my back. Walking helps and I’ve been enjoying the trails in the neighborhood. I’ve missed my running buddies but will see them soon. I plan on jogging the trail with them this weekend. Nothing fast, nothing impressive. To me though it will be glorious. It might even call for a new pair of running socks. I feel very lucky to have the kind of people around me that I do. Those I work with were so kind and genuinely concerned. Others sent text messages offering help and kept checking in on me. And not just anyone would empty a guys pee…